I value wisdom deeply:
- I believe ideas must be handled with precision and care, much like the rigor and attention we give math or law.
- At the same time, I have always wanted to understand everything to the point where it’s explainable in plain English to a 12-year-old.
- Therefore, beyond actual understanding, I want to feel like I understand, which is setting a far higher bar for myself.
Beyond anything, I’d prefer everyone live in harmony, happily working together in their own way, having the grace to accept each other. I also know I’m utterly delusional, and this world loves exploiting idealism.
At varying points in my past, I’ve wanted to be a philosopher, therapist, teacher, technical guru, and a few other things.
My purpose in life, in our current era, is to do what I can to draw people to the only place that gives meaning and answers, which represents within Jesus Christ.
- Without it, we are simply all in a protracted state of denying and awaiting death.
- I still haven’t figured out precisely how this implements, though, and am still seeking it.
I don’t care if I make money off what I make. I care more about maximum effectiveness and reach. It means I’m too dogmatic to become billionaire entrepreneurship material.
In light of that, I’m not permitted into the American aristocracy, so I happily see it as worth selling my labor or renting out my brain.
Why I Write
I write, but probably not for the same reason most people do it.
1: My understanding
Without exaggeration, I have consumed hundreds of books and book summaries, hundreds of TED Talks, and ~10,000 Hacker News articles, as well as whatever other crap I have hoarded from the internet, mostly nonfiction. A huge portion of my time would have been better spent touching grass and watching sunsets.
I have a crippling fear of impostor syndrome, and want to understand something deeply to know how best to decide and act. Jargon is often shorthand for otherwise simple ideas, though it can be useful for specificity. We frequently engage so heavily in our craft that we forget this.
All ideas are inspired by other ideas, but most in-depth concepts reside in a vacuum of abstracted logic. If I can connect those ideas to more practical things, I can understand how the best minds understand it.
I’m very trend-resistant because I hate learning useless information. I’ve noticed most implementations move around every few months or years, but their abstractions frequently don’t change at all.
I write because I want to make sense of things, which becomes more difficult as we age and the truth’s complexities unfold in front of us.
2: Others’ understanding
I know what I make can’t compare to the absolute brilliance present in the smartest minds of our time. I’m a less visual and less talented creator in the spirit of Up Goer Five and Reddit’s ELI5, who effectively use long-distance variants on Whole Brain Teaching.
All I’m good at is keeping things precise while summarizing and simplifying.
A huge portion of my past writing is a failed attempt, and I’ve downgraded the content to a simple public commonplacing.
All that consuming, though, isn’t a total waste, and some of my opinions do matter. I act in the knowledge that God will capitalize on those opions, and that history will forget my former text-based blather.
3: My fear of the Unknown
I’ve neglected to place the following in front of every assertion I make:
- “I believe…”
- “I don’t entirely know 100%, but…”
- “I’m convinced of this, but I can’t prove entirely that…”
- “From what I understand…”
- “I’ve read something that said…”
If I can speak certainty into existence, it can be manipulated.
I also don’t have the confidence I used to, though. Every implementation of logic is a slice (e.g., if A then not B has now defined A or B), and not all slices are made correctly. I’ve made some severe mistakes, and am now more afraid to carry that certainty into the future.
Even then, my purpose isn’t always clear:
- Starting in 2014, I had identified as the Philosopher Accountant, but I gave up on that sometime around 2018.
- I once had a purpose to fight the over-information age, but I have been broken as of 2024, and that purpose has died with it.
My story is still unveiling itself as I go, so I’m not sure what to live for at this point. I may just be wasting your time. Everyone these days has a podcast, and it may be wiser to explore someone else’s work if they’re more interesting than what I offer.