# How to disciple other believers While leaders give guidance, we still [make decisions](mind-decisions.md) as followers on who to follow. - We must follow people who show Christlike behavior (1 Corinthians 11:1). Jesus builds every Christian up to become a self-[leader](mgmt-church.md): - Maintain your integrity (Proverbs 20:7, Psalm 101:2, Job 27:5-6). - Work diligently (Acts 20:33-35, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-12, 2 Timothy 2:15). - Have a servant's heart (Mark 10:35-45, John 13:3-17, Galatians 5:13, 2 Kings 5:20-27, Philippians 2:5-11). - Conduct yourself gently (2 Timothy 2:24-26). - Obey God when you know [His will](god-will.md) (1 Peter 1:13-15). Discipleship is an obsolete word, and could more accurately be described as "spiritual apprenticeship". - The experience is one-on-one mentorship, teaching, and advising. - No single person has enough resources to mentor more than 3-4 people at any one time. - And, as a parent, your [non-adult children](parenting-children.md) are part of that 3-4 person limit. ## Be prepared Developing as a Christian is inward (esoteric) *much* more than outward (exoteric). - The greatest two commandments God gives us are to love Him, and to love others (Mark 12:28-34). - To put it another way, [loving](people-love.md) starts as a type of [contract](people-contracts.md) with God, which then extends outward to kindness and love for all His creation, meaning our results should be defined by how much we advance others' collective [interests](purpose.md). - If we ever wish to *guide* other people in that endeavor without [falling into heresy](people-conflicts-christian-4_false.md), we need at least a good decade or two of [healthy spiritual exercises](spiritual-exercises.md) for [God to change us](people-identity.md). God judges leaders more harshly than non-leaders (Matthew 18:6). - Not everyone should pursue leadership, since God holds leaders to a higher standard than everyone else (James 3:1). - God doesn't take a teacher's role lightly (Acts 20:28). Even by [secular standards](mgmt-1_why.md), spiritual mentors are [leaders](mgmt-1_why.md). - Leaders must be an example of [what they're teaching](mind-understanding.md) (Matthew 7:15-20). - Since they *should* be at least somewhat loving, they'll have a natural ability to [make friends](people-friends.md). A leader guides others' issues beyond themselves, so they must have a few desires before they even consider the role: - They must be faithful to God's promises (Hebrews 6:11-15, Romans 4:16-21). - They must be free of [anxiety](mind-feelings-fear.md) (Philippians 4:6-9). - Further, they live for God's word, listen to His Spirit, and [follow His will](god-will.md) (Isaiah 30:21, Mark 4:24). - Finally, they must desire to [see the lost come to Christ](spiritual-exercises-evangelism.md) (1 Corinthians 10:33, 1 Corinthians 11:1). Mentoring takes endurance, and will often feel like a second job. - You'll spend quite a lot of time giving input and sharing. - A spiritual father never technically retires until they [move on to the next life](legacy.md). ## Choosing disciples Good spiritual leaders are picky about the students they choose to [teach](education.md). - Focus on [quality](values-quality.md), not quantity. - If you have [children](people-family.md), they're your disciples until they've reached adulthood. - Even Jesus only closely mentored 12 people (Luke 6:12-16). A good disciple must be teachable and faithful. - Avoid leading people who crave emotional support, but refuse to [change](people-changes.md) from their [sins](theology-sins.md). - They can be curious or smart enough to ask plenty questions, but can't be rebellious. - Focus on heavenly prizes (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Philippians 3:12-20, Hebrews 11:24-26). - Don't judge their [outward appearance](people-image-why.md) (1 Samuel 16:6-7, 1 Corinthians 1:27-29). Avoid mentoring a few demographics relative to yourself: - Discipleship of the opposite sex can create sexual immorality or, in [a relationship](relationships-marriage.md), unhealthy codependency. - Except for having experienced tremendous [hardship](hardship.md) for your age, leading someone the same age or older (within 5-10 years) becomes a lopsided relationship from relative differences in life experience. ## Nurturing You must use the simple truths of God to encourage, comfort, and instruct (1 Thessalonians 2:11, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Nurture them in their comparatively newer [faith](mind-understanding-certainty.md) (1 Timothy 1:2). - Invest into them like a son or daughter (1 Timothy 1:18,4:14-15, 2 Timothy 1:3-6). - Don't invest in their lives for any personal benefit (Proverbs 13:22, 2 Corinthians 12:14-15, 2 Peter 2:3). - Take advantage of every opportunity to guide them (Acts 16:1-3,6,7, Titus 1:4, Philippians 1:8-21). - Stay devoted to them and find joy with their growth (2 Corinthians 2:12-13, 2 Timothy 1:2-5, 3 John 4). - Don't neglect growing yourself as well (Deuteronomy 4:9, Ephesians 4:15, Philippians 3:12, 1 Timothy 4:12-16). Set the pace by showing them your example (2 Timothy 3:10-11). - Reproduce yourself into them (2 Corinthians 12:14-19, Philippians 2:19-22, 2 Timothy 3:10-11). - Avoid dictating to them, *especially* as they become more [knowledgeable](mind-understanding.md) (1 Peter 5:1-3). Do *not* [micromanage](mgmt-1_why.md), since they will have a different generational [culture](people-culture.md) and their approach on some things *will* be different. Avoid employing any [shame](mind-feelings-shame.md). - While we *should* feel ashamed of [sins we haven't repented over](theology-sins.md), living in Christ has zero condemnation (Romans 8:1-3). - Generally, any self-reflecting misery we develop when we consider the greatness of God is a product of [past trauma](hardship-ptsd.md), and not the right attitude to [live well in God's Kingdom](https://theologos.site/millennium/). ## What they must know New believers must learn a few things: 1. God faithfully forgives (1 John 1:9-10,2:1,2:12). 2. Not everything is the way it seems (1 John 2:18-28). 3. A person's lifestyle shows their spirituality (Matthew 7:20-21, 1 John 3:5-10). 4. We must love in action, not just words (1 John 3:17-19). 5. Believers don't need to fear the devil (1 John 4:1-4). 6. Idolatry is an incessant danger (1 John 5:21). 7. God's kingdom gives progressively more rights and privileges as we grow in Christ (Ephesians 3:11-12). Disciples are responsible to act on truths they've learned (2 John 4, 3 John 4, James 1:22). Successful discipleship makes them partners in ministry, not subordinates (Romans 16:21). - They should [know](mind-understanding.md) everything you know. - Delegate and release them to their projects (Colossians 4:7-9, Titus 1:4-13, 1 Thessalonians 3:1-7). - [Expect](mind-imagination.md) them to disciple others in turn after you (1 Timothy 4:12,16, 2 Timothy 2:1-2). - They should eventually out-[succeed](success-1_why.md) you (Genesis 37:9-11, Deuteronomy 30:5, 2 Corinthians 10:13). - They will never outgrow their need for [prayer](spiritual-exercises-prayer.md) (Romans 1:17, 2 Corinthians 3:18, 2 Timothy 1:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:25, 2 Thessalonians 3:1, Philemon 22). ## Own your failures You won't get it precisely correct. - They may stray off into [heresies](people-conflicts-christian-4_false.md) or [pursue ministries](mgmt-church.md) you don't approve of. - It's your responsibility to still love them, [just as if they were your own children](parenting-3_teenagers.md). You *will* be a hypocrite. - Any fallible person who teaches the importance of living in Christ's full righteousness will *not* always practice what they preach. - Quickly admit your failings, and openly show them to your disciples.