# Happiness and why it matters

Joy, or "happiness", is simply the absence of [desire](purpose.md):

- We're not as concerned about "happiness" as much as "avoiding pain".
- Most of the time, we want to change something to avoid being [in pain](hardship.md) or [bored](mind-creativity.md).
- For most people, something is *always* missing.
- Anything that people say brings happiness only brings happiness for *them*.

Since the absence of desire is easy to detect, we can most easily identify when we're happy.

To [live well](goodlife.md), someone should find some form of happiness approximately 30-70% of the time during any given day.

- Any more, and that person is going to take unnecessary [risks](safety.md).
- Any less, and they run the chance of being generally miserable.

We often attribute good things to joy, but [mentally well people](mind-feelings-happiness.md) find joy in [habitual](habits.md) things without provocation.

We tend to experience joy more over things that [appear](image.md) to be new or [meaningful](meaning.md).

The pursuit of happiness has a risk, though: if we live only in a state of joy too far, the pursuit of the feeling (or [the substance that gives it](addiction-substances.md)) becomes [addiction](addiction.md).

Happiness comes through our recognition of [value](values-quality.md), and there are three "happy lives" that can typically fulfill our desires:

- The "[Pleasant Life](mind-feelings.md)" creates as much positive emotion as possible.
- The "[Good Life](goodlife.md)" is a constant, engaged flow of worthwhile new life experiences.
- The "[Meaningful Life](meaning.md)" uses your natural strengths to serve a purpose larger than yourself.

When we say "happiness", we often imply [meaningfulness](meaning.md), which is the only way to maintain [long-term success](success-6_humility.md), and is often *not* the Pleasant Life.

- It's possible to [succeed](success-1_why.md) without satisfaction, but we reap rewards when we find meaning.

Even when we don't strive for satisfaction in life, we still want it.

- The avoidance of pain or bad consequences is still trying to reduce *un*happiness.
- Happiness has many [hidden benefits](mind-feelings-happiness-benefits.md)

## Happiness is a moral duty

You're not the only person affected by your decisions:

- Even if you don't see it, there are some people in your life who [love](people-love.md) you.
- In whatever way you interpret it, [God made you](religion-answers.md).
- And, even if you're an atheist with no friends or family, you're a [highly sophisticated](science-life.md), ordered living being that has at least some potential use in the unknown future.

A bad day is perfectly acceptable, but prolonged misery drains others' wellness:

- Miserable people destroy the happiness of those they're around.
- Beyond destroying lives, misery can erode entire [communities](groups-member.md).

## Happiness isn't a circumstance

Pleasant things by themselves don't connect to inner happiness:

- Enjoyable things outside their place can create long-term disasters.
- Everything enjoyable also comes with responsibilities.
- Some things are *never* worth the investment if your goal is to be happy:
  - A nice home, which [can be satisfying](home-decorations.md), but won't create fulfillment, and [can be a risky endeavor](home-buysell.md).
  - Possessions may give a rush when acquired, but the excitement fades quickly.
  - [Career success](jobs-1_why.md) comes with many happiness-suppressing responsibilities and sacrifices.
  - Sexual pleasure and physical intimacy give the most intense human experience without many adverse consequences, but the rush fades quickly and diminishes in intensity with [age](hardship.md).
  - [Romantic relationships](relationships-1_why.md) and [friendships](people-4_friends.md) give connection and meaning, but people have to tend to other matters and will leave you alone for part of the day.
  - Safety provides comfort, but never [purpose](purpose.md) or satisfaction.
  - [Success](success-1_why.md) may provoke happiness, but it never guarantees it.
- Any other enjoyable experience or series of experiences (concert, movie, game, song, or anything else) fades.
- Further, anything that *does* give satisfaction will provide a [diminishing return](economics.md) the more you do it.

Each person is solely responsible for their happiness, and nobody else can change it:

- Our [personalities](personality.md) define quite a bit of how happy we generally are, but we get to choose how we process the information we receive.
- Even when we're disposed against ever being joyful, we can still find plenty of satisfaction if we know where to look.

We can't change our feelings, but we have control over our responses:

- We can control how we *express* our feelings.
- We can control our [attitude](success-2_attitude.md) about what happens to us.
- We can decide the patterns of our lives that our experiences fit into.
- While we *can* be influenced, we each decide how much we *want* to be influenced.

We tend to repeat statements that circumvent responsibility for our happiness:

- "I just can't..."
- "(thing) is holding me back."
- "If I get (thing), then everything will be okay."
- "I have no other choice."
- "(person or situation) won't let me."

Our physical reactions give context for our [feelings](mind-feelings.md) in relation to the world around us, so how we express them determines how we process them.

## Happiness requirements

Life is transient, and everything is temporary, so the simplest answer to happiness is to set low standards.

The two avenues that interfere with life satisfaction are our [stressors](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md) and [focus](mind-feelings-happiness-focus.md).

- To accomplish this, we almost always need [human connection](mind-feelings-happiness-connect.md)

## Not everything works for everyone

Everyone's [personality](personality.md) is different, so they will need different things to find their happiness:

- Some people simply need to focus on the present.
- Others need a strong community, a sense of responsibility, *and* a focus on the present.

Often, all we must do is change our perspective, and the rest will follow.

The hardest part is becoming [aware](awareness.md) of what you require, and *doing* it is usually easy by comparison.