# What anger is

Anger is an emotional belief of a [perceived](people-image-why.md) sense of [injustice](morality-justice.md), which requires several beliefs at once:

1. Belief of [loss](hardship.md) or perceived loss, which would typically provoke [fear](mind-feelings-fear.md) or [sadness](mind-feelings-sadness.md).
2. A belief that the loss was [unjust](morality-justice.md).
3. Belief that [action](mind-decisions.md) can be taken that will resolve the injustice.

Generally, anger becomes a catch-all feeling when we don't understand how to feel otherwise or have judged an injustice. It's a protective response that gives us control.

When we feel anger, we release more adrenaline, which makes our heart rate increase, our blood pressure rise, and our muscles tighten. Our hormones are essentially preparing for a "fight or flight" circumstance.

## Using anger

Anger is defined by a desire for control, and broadly expresses in different forms:

1. Passive (e.g., procrastination, sulking, avoidance)
2. Aggressive (e.g., physical outbursts, bullying, violence)
3. Assertive (standing up for [rights](people-boundaries-why.md) without infringing others' rights)

Anger is *very* useful to get things done, but it ruins our finesse. [Healthy boundaries](people-boundaries-why.md) require proper use of anger.

APPLICATION: Healthy anger management requires a willingness to do things (which creates action), but not desire to control things (which creates compulsive behavior and [dysregulation](mind-awareness-dysregulation.md)).

At the same time, if we don't [release past anger](hardship-ptsd-release.md), we will normalize it and our [unawareness](mind-awareness.md) will permit it to control us later.

## Anger's basis

Anger is a secondary [emotion](mind-feelings.md), meaning it derived from a primary emotion and then permuted with new information.

Or, to put it more simply, all anger can be articulated by the following statement:

- "I feel (non-joy emotion)...and that's not fair!"

The basis of our anger, therefore, can come from many domains:

- We [fear](mind-feelings-fear.md) losing [power](power.md) that we [believe](mind-understanding-certainty.md) we are entitled to.
- We fear not having enough power to accomplish our [desires](purpose.md).
- We feel [sad](mind-feelings-sadness.md) about [a loss](hardship.md) that we believe shouldn't have happened or failed [expectations](mind-imagination.md).
- We were [surprised](mind-feelings-surprise.md) in a way that made us feel [afraid](mind-feelings-fear.md).
- We are [disgusted](mind-feelings-disgust.md) at something, and believe we should [take action about it](results.md).
- We experience [boundaries](people-boundaries.md) violated by others or [haven't forgiven a prior experience](hardship-forgiveness.md) of bad boundaries.
- We feel [guilt or shame](mind-feelings-shame.md) or are experiencing [trauma](hardship-ptsd.md) from past guilt or shame.
- We could have a vitamin deficiency.
- All of our troubles may be magnified through [substance abuse](addiction-substances.md).

All of this distills to [stress](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md) that we [believe](mind-understanding.md) we must do something about.

This stress triggers a very base-level animal response to do something physical:

- Heart rate will elevate, breathing will intensify, and we may start sweating.
- Our muscles will tighten, especially around the jaw and arms.
- We will experience a sensation of pressure building in our head and face.

## Awareness and anger

We must learn [self-awareness](mind-awareness.md) about the [triggers](habits.md) that make us angry.

- Mindfulness helps us to slow down our reactions.
  - The slowing effect creates distance from our experiences and helps us track events as they arise.
- If we don't, we will typically react inappropriately with our anger.
- Often, we dwell on something over and over without realizing it ("rumination")
- By increasing emotional awareness, we overall reduce our [stress](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md), which halts rumination and reactive patterns.

Anger is always connected with suffering, and there are many common triggers for anger:

- Perceived disrespect
- Unmet needs, which represent a threat to [safety](safety.md)
- [Grief](mind-feelings-sadness.md) and [loss](hardship.md)
- [Goals](success-3_goals.md) that have been blocked
- Treatment that was unfair or violated our [boundaries](people-boundaries.md)
- Past [trauma](hardship-ptsd.md)

Slowing from anger at the moment requires conditioning the brain that things are safe:

1. Take a deep breath inward (about 3 seconds).
2. Take an additional inhale while holding the air (which pushes the respiratory system farther open).
3. Exhale slowly (across 6 seconds), which activates the vagus nerve and engages the parasympathetic nervous system.

Beyond the instant moment, reducing anger comes through a specific sequence:

1. Understand the source of our suffering for the purpose of addressing it.
2. Manage our expectations to lower our [stress](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md).
3. In the presence of others, practice quick [meditation](mind-awareness-meditation.md) about breath awareness to distract from triggering observations.
4. The new [decisions](mind-decisions.md) foster better [habits](habits.md) over time.

Sometimes, we can take action instead of noting the things that make us angry.

- "Letting off steam" is simply adding anger onto anger, and doesn't work to resolve anything.
- However, we can often use "venting" for years or *decades* to cope with anger because it gives the [illusion](people-image-why.md) of [creating results](results.md).

## Chronic anger

Frequent anger can have a negative effect on our mental and physical health.

- Even if we suppress it, the effects still express in our minds and bodies.

If anger persists, it develops the secondary feeling of bitterness as [purposes](purpose.md) demonstrate they can't be performed.

- The only way to resolve bitterness is through [release](hardship-forgiveness.md) of whatever that person believes they can [control](purpose.md).

Avoiding chronic anger requires adopting mental habits that creates a healthier mental environment.

1. Observe the triggers that create the anger, but without reacting to it.
2. Validate the anger without taking action.
3. Observe the quieter emotions that are behind the anger.
4. Expand the language to describe the [feelings](mind-feelings-beliefs.md) behind the anger.
5. Avoid adding [stories](stories.md) that expand the anger into something more severe.
6. Focus on managing aggression, but letting anger run its course.
7. Direct the anger to something constructive, such as [writing](language-writing.md) or physical labor.

In that sense, "anger management" is a misrepresented idea, since it's more accurately "aggression management".