# What dysregulation is

Dysregulation is a state where some of our body isn't responding to signals from other parts of our body.

- There are different types of dysregulation, with [emotional](mind-feelings.md) dysregulation being the highest-risk of becoming a chronic problem.
- We usually can't detect dysregulation directly, but can often see small behaviors in ourselves or others' reactions to us that allude to it.
- The only way to clear out dysregulation is to change and remove negative thoughts that have become [habits](habits.md).

There are multiple signs of dysregulation:

- Feeling spaced-out, at a loss for words, or unaware where you are.
- Feeling scattered, or trying to do many things and finishing nothing.
- Tripping over things, dropping things, or losing things.
- Flat voice or blank facial expression.
- Emotions are "too much" or out of line with what other people seem to feel.
- In a rage or severe sense of urgency to express what bothers you.
- Can't feel part of your body such as your hands, mouth, face, nose, or feet.

Dysregulation *does* have its time and place:

- Usually, we need to temporarily dysregulate to persevere through the ugly parts of [success](success-1_why.md) (especially if we experienced childhood [trauma](hardship-ptsd.md)).
- Spaced-out behavior and not feeling parts of your body makes unpleasant things easier to work through.
- Trying many things together can often [build connections](mind-creativity.md) that otherwise wouldn't be connected.
- Being clumsy or absent-minded can sometimes make boring experiences more interesting.
- A flat voice or blank facial expression prevents others from misusing your reactions, especially [in a conflict](people-conflicts.md).
- Extreme emotions, being in a rage, or a sense of urgency can frequently provoke others to act when they otherwise wouldn't.
- While [radical focus](success-4_routine.md) is necessary at times, it's absolutely critical for us to re-regulate, *especially* when we must [make critical decisions](mind-decisions.md).

Like any other [substance](addiction-substances.md), dysregulation has addictive properties, specifically in how our feelings can be [certain](understanding-certainty.md) while everything around us isn't.

While there are many ways to implement it, can only attain self-regulation through a specific procedure:

1. Become [aware](mind-awareness.md) of the mechanisms that drive what and how we think.
2. [Closely assess](logic.md) how and where [everything sits in relationship to ourselves](https://gainedin.site/layers/).
3. Find out why we are [certain](certainty.md) of some things, what we have actual control over, and everything we are [capable of doing](purpose.md).
4. Apply [virtue](morality.md) appropriately for the situation to know what we ought to do, and when.

## Re-regulation exercises

There are many various ways to re-regulate.

- Each approach comes from a different angle for slowing down and separating our feelings from our observations.
- In one sense, they're all forms of [meditation](mind-awareness-meditation.md) upon our perspectives.
- None of these are ideal, since the most dramatic benefit comes from simply disengaging from feeling a compulsion to act.

Self-Scan

- Scan top-to-bottom how your body is right now, without judgment.
- Sequentially relax each muscle in your body ("progressive muscle relaxation" or PMR)

I Notice, I Wonder

- Use the sentences "I Notice" and "I Wonder" to describe what you're observing.
- When making observations, stick to what is provably present, and avoid not inferences or connections.
- Then, consider what you still do not understand and want to know.

Connect, Extend, Challenge

- Categorize new observations through several lenses:
  1. Connect: How does this confirm what I already know?
  2. Extend: What new ideas have broadened what I know?
  3. Challenge: What contradictions or issues am I observing here?

Observations, Inferences, Questions

- Ask several questions about whatever you're observing:
  1. Observations: What do I notice? (only concrete, [certain](understanding-certainty.md) things)
  2. Inferences: What do I think? (interpretations and conclusions)
  3. Questions: What do I wonder?

Step Inside

- When observing someone, ask a few questions:
  - What can that person perceive?
  - What might that person know or believe about the situation?
  - What might that person care about?
  - What is that person unable to know?

3-2-1 Bridge

- Before engaging with an observation, write down several things:
  - 3 words or ideas associated with it.
  - 2 questions you have about it.
  - One comparison to something else that comes to mind.

Observer/Actor

- Detach yourself from the experience and observe it as it comes by.
  - Watch your feelings and thoughts as they arise, as if you were observing yourself.
- Then, try to accurately describe what each "actor" feels in that interaction.