# How to release trauma

Time doesn't necessarily help anyone heal.

- We only start to heal when we feel we're safe enough from the thing that caused the trauma.
- This only takes place when we can fully accept that the event's trauma will not happen again.

We tend to redirect past trauma through several possible pathways:

- Crying is one of the most effective ways to release trauma.
  - If you can't cry, yawning also releases stress.
- Focus on [repetitive, mindless tasks](success-4_routine.md) to relieve tension:
  - [Cleaning](home-housekeeping.md) and [exercise](body-exercise.md) helps you feel a direct improvement.
  - Playing Tetris or other video games may help break from severe trauma, but only for a few hours at a time.
  - Avoid anything that takes a long time, is unproductive, or can be unhealthy (such as marathon game sessions or overeating).
  - Pain medicine numbs emotional pain along with physical pain, but don't self-medicate unless you're making a critical decision you can't postpone.

All the above can help with coping, but they don't always fix the problem.

If you can't break through after a few months of self-reflection, seriously consider professional psychotherapy to gain some traction.

## 1. Accept that it happened

Before anything, accept that a traumatic event has happened:

- Avoid making any additional judgments or adding any [meaning](meaning.md) to the trauma.
- Treat yourself like a [scientist](science.md) or forensic researcher trying to examine what has transpired.
- The purpose of this is to ground yourself in reality, but the pain doesn't go away and healing doesn't start until you start releasing it.

Make accommodations for the trauma, but never stop revisiting it:

- Give yourself grace over what you've experienced, but don't let yourself become a victim of your memories.
- Exposure therapy is the act of revisiting and re-experiencing trauma, and is necessary for you to heal from it.

## 2. Own the part you're responsible for

Morally, the events you experienced are either because you were innocent or guilty of wrongdoing.

- If you were innocent, you endured a hardship you didn't deserve.
- If you were guilty, you're facing the logical consequences of your action.

Further, how you responded to the first event also has moral merit.

- If you responded well, you're making the best of things.
- If you responded poorly, you're making the situation worse.

Our culpability in the event and how we responded defines four possible consequences:

1. Authentic suffering (innocent, responded well)
   - The best situation to be in, since we didn't do anything wrong.
   - Face the experience honestly and openly.
   - Acknowledge the confusion and hurt.
   - Ask others for help, and use the suffering to [deepen your faith](spiritual-exercises.md).
2. Humble analysis (innocent, responded poorly)
   - You were unfairly treated, but your response was inappropriate.
   - Ask how you responded:
     - Did you repay evil for evil?
     - Did you develop an unhealthy view of people or yourself?
     - Do you have unresolved [bitterness](mind-feelings-anger.md)?
     - Have you directly approached the person who wronged you?
       - If you've approached them and they're asking for forgiveness, have you [forgiven them](hardship-forgiveness.md)?
3. Joyful remembrance (guilty, responded well)
   - You have accepted what you've done wrong and have owned it.
   - This is, according to Christianity, the best possible state to be in, since God readily forgives anyone who repents (Matthew 26:27-28, Ephesians 1:7, Colossians 1:20, Hebrews 10:19, 1 Peter 1:18-19, Revelation 5:9).
   - In this situation, it is easy to soberly accept the consequences of what happens, since you know what you've done and how it 
4. Honest self-confrontation (guilty, responded poorly)
   - This situation is a *huge* moral risk because it's obliviously responding to [evil with more evil](morality-evil.md).
   - Sadly, this is the common state of most people across society, so it's very easy to find camaraderie with this attitude.
   - There are 5 major reasons people fall into this:
     1. Conceit: unwilling to accept failure or [sin](theology-sins.md).
     2. Stubbornness: unwilling to ask for forgiveness.
     3. [Fear](mind-feelings-fear.md): over-reacting to perceived risks.
     4. Foolishness: doing what [feels](mind-feelings.md) right, but is a bad idea.
     5. Misplaced desires for others' approval, [power](power.md) over others, self-protection, or revenge.

## 3. Release everything left over

When you are ready, release your feelings about anything you fear or resent.

- It varies on the person, but [meditation](mind-awareness-meditation.md) can be very helpful.

The most effective place for meditation comes through how we can better [respond to triggers](habits.md).

- You really can't do anything about the past, nor about others' actions, and the only person suffering from holding onto those feelings is you.
- [Give it all to God](spiritual-exercises-prayer.md) as you encounter the experiences.
- Whenever feelings arise, learn to repeat the mantra, "I'm having an emotional reaction, and that's okay."
- At the end of any meditation session, you should only be focused on what you can actually do.

If you have any trouble, [write down](language-writing.md) "I fear...", then list those fears as they arise.

- At the end, you should throw out or delete the list, which [symbolizes](symbols.md) that the fears don't really matter.
- If you find anything that makes you angry, write down "I am angry at (a being or institution) because I fear..." and fill it in.
- Often, you'll find resentments behind resentments, so be sure to list *all* of them.
- We have the least control over our fears and resentments, so focus specifically on them instead of any other [feelings](mind-feelings.md).
- At the end, clearly state how you're releasing them all (e.g., "...and that's okay.", "...and it doesn't matter.", "...but [God](theology-god.md) is in control.")

For your brain stem to register, you may need to connect your feelings to a physical action to release them.

- Press your tongue to the back of your teeth.
- Tense every single muscle in your body, increasing in intensity, then release all the muscles at once.
- [Exercise](body-exercise.md).
- Stamp your feet.
- Play a high-reflex video game.
- Take ten deep breaths, focusing particularly on the exhaling.
- [Eat something](cooking.md) that's high-protein.
- [Wash your hands with warm water or take a hot shower](people-image.md).
- Give or request a hug from someone.

Make releasing a [morning or evening practice](habits.md) to prevent any further buildup of fears or resentments.

Be patient with yourself and your thoughts to let yourself work through the pain.

- Visualize yourself as a small child, as well as everyone else involved.
- Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you [love](people-love.md).
- Talk to yourself or a [friend](people-friends.md) about how you feel.

As release happens, you will feel a surreal change, almost as if part of you was [dying](hardship-death.md).

- This is because a portion you had [purposed](purpose.md) as being critically important has now been updated to be presently useless, and you're removing those thought patterns.
- It will be disorienting, but isn't permanent.

The final stage of releasing trauma comes through [forgiveness](hardship-forgiveness.md).