# How to speak to children

This is extracted and expanded from Fred Rogers' "Freddish" (creator of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood).

Speaking with children takes a special form of communication that requires simplifying your thoughts, relating the information to good things, and speaking only about what is precisely true.

This requires running anything you would like to say through 9 specific filters:

1. State the idea you wish to express in the plainest and clearest possible terms.
   - They have a hard time with context, so simpler is better.
   - e.g., "It is dangerous to play in the street."
2. Phrase everything positively.
   - They need to [understand](mind-understanding.md) the good things that are best, not just what shouldn't be done.
   - e.g., "It is good to play where it is safe."
3. Rephrase the idea with the context that they can't make subtle distinctions and need directing toward trustworthy authorities.
   - They simply don't know who to [trust](mind-trust.md) for just about everything.
   - e.g., "Ask your parents where it is safe to play."
4. Eliminate all prescriptive, directive, or instructive elements.
   - They have to come to their own [decisions](mind-decisions.md), so don't tell them "do this" or "it's best to do that".
   - e.g., "Your parents will tell you where it is safe to play."
5. Remove anything that suggests certainty.
   - We can't always be [certain](mind-understanding-certainty.md) about what other people know or if things will be a certain way.
   - e.g., "Your parents can tell you where it is safe to play."
6. Rephrase the idea to eliminate things that may not apply to them.
   - We often don't [imagine](mind-imagination.md) how children could have a different context than what we're presently familiar with.
   - e.g., "Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it's safe to play."
7. Add a simple motivational idea that gives them a reason to follow your advice.
   - This gives them a slight nudge to respond to the statement.
   - e.g., "Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is good to listen to them."
8. Rephrase your new statement with the filters again.
   - This is a form of realistic [editing](language-writing.md), since the message changed with the added statement.
   - e.g., "Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them."
9. Relate it to some phase of development a preschooler can understand.
   - This brings it more closely into their context.
   - e.g., "Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them, and listening is an important part of growing."

However, to adopt this, it requires quite a bit of reframing about the world:

1. Downgrade your thoughts to how a small child sees things (i.e., largely uninformed).
2. Inspire healthy hope and wonder about [the unknown](unknown.md).
3. Express gently and positively, the way you were (or [should have been](hardship-ptsd.md)) [loved](people-love.md).
4. State how important things have a [moral](morality.md) connection to their lives.

Thankfully, most of your time with children can be taken up with [plenty of listening](language-speaking-listening.md).

- You can often steer the conversation easily by asking questions that they respond to.
- The only time you'll really *need* to respond is when they directly ask *you* a question.